Hi Diary,
I wish I could say this time I’m coming to you would be a happy one but I’m crashing hard and honestly it’s my fault. Japanese is still progressing, I’m doing art even though I can’t say I’m liking any of it, even the pose studies I thought were decent last week are just appearing awful to me. I’m being hard on myself again, always so hard on myself. The amount of things that can go wrong at AX are shrinking but my stress is only growing, I really need to be happy these next few days. I have to sew my cosplay, the joke is that if I had learned to sew so long ago things like this would be so much simpler
^^Is what I drafted yesterday^^
Truthfully I couldn’t finish it, yesterday I just must have been intent on having a bad day, I came home from work, went straight to sewing my buttons, watched two episodes of lain, then washed my face, vented to a friend over SMS and ended up sobbing on the floor. I guess it was all really built and pent up huh?
I spent a few years of my life unable to cry so honestly I’m very happy that finally I’m getting all this crap out of me. You know I never exactly planned it but right after AX I have therapy and another laser treatment, suffice it to say it’s….extremely overwhelming and I guess I was just swallowing it and saying “well it must be because of the con!” but anyways, mopey stuff aside, I’m super fucking excited! I don’t know if I’m gonna make it to every panel or get whatever merch I want but it’ll be very interesting!
Sewing buttons kinda made me realize that maybe next year I’m gonna get a blazer and make a real-ass authentic Junko top (truthfully I think maybe next time I should do a new character). I think if I lost enough weight Faye and Jinx would be very fun.
I might post a photo or two if I’m not too embarrassed. Today I have to get my vaxx test and vaxx wristband so I won’t need it tomorrow, honestly my list of things needed to be done before the con tomorrow is short, none of them I can do at work unfortunately but I’m gonna try really hard to stay positive! Once this is done it’s back to art and motorcycle focus for me.
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